They were of no use to me now. I would never father children anyway. The minute the hour was up Mary appeared and asked, ?Well Bitch what choice did you make? I have turned off your collar and you may speak to me for this purpose.? I had not spoken a word in almost a year and had to think a bit to remember how. I said, ?Mary I would like to marry Carlos but we are still married to each other.? Mary snarled, ?That is Mistress Mary to you Bitch. Don’t be silly, I had divorced you before you ever came to Mexico.? I was shocked to hear that coming from her. I had thought a year of being Bitch was punishment for what she perceived as my betrayal of her and we would somehow resume our marriage. Mary told me, ?Now Bitch let’s try that again with you in the praying position. Make me believe you want to be a woman.? I got into the sit up and pray position and said, ?Please Mistress Mary may I Marry the man I love Carlos? I want to be his loving wife and be his woman in. ’ I looked down at the table. I didn’t know how else to ask my questions. Jeff seemed to sense something because he reached over, squeezing my hand. I looked at him in shock for a moment until I realized he meant it in a fatherly way. Jeff smiled in a fatherly way, ‘trouble in paradise?’ I looked at him. ‘Yes…No…I don’t know…’ I looked down at the table again. ‘It’s just that sometimes life is great. We laugh, joke, tell stories about our childhood, we have a great time.’ ‘But…?’ ‘But…There are other times, usually at night after Crystal puts John to bed or while she is putting him to bed, that she gets this far off look in her eyes. It’s like she is lost in another place or another time and no matter what I do I can’t reach her. I feel as if she is pulling away from me. I don’t want to lose her again Jeff, but I feel like I am.’ I looked at the other man pleadingly. Jeff nodded in understanding. ‘Crystal has been through a hard life. Her parents divorcing foster care, the trouble.
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